Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
