Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
