I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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