Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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