I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
cat food counts as protein by the way
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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