His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
