i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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