I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
