my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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