So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
