You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
