when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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