I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
