if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
