I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
are you so shy because you have an std?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
