So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I did not marry a roomba.
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