ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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