After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
