You smell like a Billy Joel song
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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