The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
