so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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