Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
