Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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