I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I AM VODKA MAN
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
