That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
