I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
