I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize