Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
