Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
