I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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