Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
