I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
