So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
