I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
