haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
