I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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