weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
