I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
