i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
