hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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