idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
