Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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