If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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