You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
