Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
