Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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