i barfeds in our rink
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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