I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
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