WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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