needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
